Wall of Sound

I'm painting on the last of the silk bolts as we speak. The bolts are left over from my silk painting days when I painted kimonos, wall hangings, scarves, ties and artwork using silk dyes and gutta on silk.

It's so dark outside today with the rain, it feels sooo un-Californian. Plus it's cold in here and gloomy. We are spoiled by the hot, dry sun and although I'm a native Southern Ontario girl at heart I do believe this Cali place has me hooked.

I sink into a wall of digital, electronic sound... Boards of Canada (but they aren't Canadian!).

This painting is perfectly balanced, and I don't wanting to disturb it's perfect presence, to unbalance the contours, the forms, the lack of focus.

Ahhhh...the freedom of abstract painting, I can feel it in my bones. I'm seeing a link between my left hand drawing, becoming a psychic, learning to trust my intuition, desire for music without words and abstract painting. There is a deepening of everything.

Everything is perfectly level, all planes are even. Why should I disrupt this space? What's missing? THE FEMALE FORM, emotion, pathos, misery, blood and guts and beauty in the wreckage, the lone female voice crying out. For that I need Tori (Amos)

"And I wondered when will I learn guess I was in Deeper than I thought I was if I have enough love for the both of us "just stay". From "Strange" by Tori Amos

I am fighting to say alive emotionally.

Musical Ambiance: Boards of Canada ~ "The Campfire Headphase", Air, Milosh, Tori Amos ~ "Scarlet's Walk"

Taxi Ride

I am in love with silence and feel blessed beyond measure to live surrounded by the sounds of nature: the dove, multiple bird sounds; chirp, cheep, aw aw, hoohoooohoo, week week and long drawn out warbles.

I sit and stare at my silk canvas trusting in the process. The idea is to paint this series (Journey Into Intimacy) over one year's time and just let the process carry me where it will. My only expectation is that I'll have a body of work with some strong pieces at the end of the year.

I paint nearly every day and I write as well. The writing spurs the painting and the music I choose provides extra juice. I never know what the painting will be, I just wait for the emotion to take over and I follow where it leads.

Why is it that some people cannot acknowledge other's talents? Is it a fear of denigrating their own talent? It's as if some people feel as though they only have a limited supply of love to give out and that they must hold on to it tightly to prop themselves up, leaving very little room for anyone else. Thoughts, anyone?

It's easier to paint by charging forward, not quite sure if I like the painting or not! Sometimes, fuck it...I just want to leave it be, accept that it's perfect as it is although I know it's not over yet! (oww! paper cut!)

"We've all been pushed too far I guess on days like this" - from the song "Taxi Ride" by Tori Amos.

Musical Ambience: Tori Amos ~ Scarlet's Walk

Being

I stretched out silk today and covered it with gesso - a first for me! The gesso-covered silk is ripply and parchment-ey. It's surface feels hardened and crackly, like leathery skin, but very white. I've never painted on a surface like this before, it's like entering unknown territory.

I also don't what I'm feeling anymore, so I paint an egg shape then I sit waiting, breathing, being.

But love, love calls (and sorrow) and all is as it should be.

"Everybody has come home...Our lives don't end" - lyrics from "Goin' Out" by Sarah Harmer.

Slowly, picking away at love...until nothing's left.

"Being" - acrylic and pastel on silk - 4' x 5' 

Musical Inspiration: Friends of mine: Liquoricegirl (Diane Barbarash) - "I Found You Under the Dogwood Tree", Kara Louisa - "I Wish", and Ontario girl Sarah Harmer - "You Were Here" and "I'm a Mountain".